Writer's Workshop: Perfect Pitch Part 2. The One Line and Query Letter

Now that you’ve rocked the synopsis (see part 1), you’re ready to tackle further reduction of your work in the form of the one line hook, also known as the elevator pitch.

A pitch line must include four components: Main character, main opponent, main problem, main action.

Here are some pitch lines from well-know works in various genres:

“The largest think tank in the world is behind a series of mysterious deaths, and the young widows of two of the victims must stop them.” Are You Afraid of the Dark? By Sydney Sheldon

“When a grizzled war veteran dies on his 83^rd birthday, he finds himself in heaven, where the five people who mattered most to him explain the meaning of life.”

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

“A group of strangers, isolated in the Greek village of Agia Anna, must confront everything they have run away from when an explosion on a local tourist boat rocks their world.” Nights of Rain and Stars by Maeve Binchy

“In nineteenth century England, a partnership between two brilliant conjurers is threatened when one heedlessly pursues the shadowy magic of the Raven King.” Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke

A few things to note in these examples:

·      Each pitch is a single sentence.

·      The order in which the four components appear is flexible and flows with the plot.

·      The definition “main character, main opponent” isn’t necessarily a single person. Sheldon’s and Clarke’s books are “buddy stories” inside of other genres and therefore there are two main characters. Binchy’s novel is an ensemble story with multiple POVs.

·      Proper names aren’t important in the pitch line. Whenever possible, use a concise description of your main character and main opponent rather than using their names. (Unless, of course, your opponent’s name is Raven King. That just rocks.)

The query letter

            The query letter used to be called the cover letter back in the days of Moses when people used snail mail to connect with agents. Today, most prefer e-mail, which has led to writers getting sloppy and shooting off less than professional query letters. Tsk.

            All correspondence with an agent/editor/publisher should be professional, short, error free, short, complete, and did I mention short?

            General rules:

·      Always address a specific agent at the agency. Sending out a query that begins “Dear Agent” will end with your query in the “Dear Deleted” file.

·      Always read up on the agency, and every agent you query. Ensure you send an email that includes exactly what they are looking for in a query (e.g. query letter only, query letter and first five pages, or query letter, synopsis and first fifty pages.) Not all agents want to see a synopsis with a query.

·      Never attach a file to a query. All material should be pasted into the body of your email. If the agent’s website tells you to query with a letter, synopsis, and first five pages, you paste all of that (in that order) in the body of the email you send.

·      Address the agent using his or her surname. Dear Ms. Superduper. Dear Mr. Smartguy.

·      Include the date of your query at the top of the page.

·      In the subject line of your email query (this is important!) you must tell the agent what the email is about. It should read like this: “Query—Agent Name—TITLE OF NOVEL by Author Name”

           

The letter itself should be around five (short) paragraphs. Here’s a template you can use to help craft your query letter. (This is just an example—be creative, use great nouns and verbs, express yourself clearly, creatively, and most of all use the letter to demonstrate your ability to be professional while maintaining your wild creativity.)

·      Opening: If you have a referral from someone, mention it first. This places you on the ground of the agent’s mind and not just floating in the ether of the slush pile. If not, simply thank the agent for the opportunity to query him/her. Then, hit them with the genre, title, and word count of your novel, followed by the pitch line.

·      Second paragraph encapsulates the main action of the plot, but doesn’t necessarily include the outcome (the synopsis includes how the book ends).

·      The third paragraph is about you, your credentials, why you chose to query that agent, your platform (if you have one).

·      Fourth paragraph is your contact info, and sign off.

Example letter:

August 28, 2013

Dear Ms. Agent,

         PARAGRAPH ONE GREETING AND PITCH LINE:  Thank you for the opportunity to query regarding my GENRE-SPECIFIC novel, TITLE, the story of MAIN CHARACTER, a woman trapped in a dull, meaningless existence until she finds a talking pickle on the streets of Chicago, which grants her three wishes.

             PARAGRAPH TWO, OUTLINE OF MAIN PLOT: Pick up from the pitch line, expound on the main problem, and rising tension.

            PARAGRAPH THREE, CONTINUE OUTLINE OF PLOT: Rising tension, things look hopeless, what will our hero do?

            PARAGRAPH FOUR, MARKETABLITY, HIGH CONCEPT (IF THERE IS ONE)

                NOVEL TITLE is a modern fairy tale set in Chicago. It is a layered, quirky novel like Comparable Title, blended with the surprise and adult humor of Second Comparable Title.

               The novel was birthed out of my lifelong love of fairy tales, married to the memories of the summer I spent in Chicago working at a Kosher Deli. I make my home in the hills of Montana. LIST OF YOUR PAST PUBLICATIONS IF ANY, INCLUDING ROUGH SALES NUMBERS IF POSSIBLE, AND ANY AWARDS. THEN, YOUR PLATFORM: I blog regularly at www.myblog.com, which is linked to my popular Facebook page with 1,000,000 fans and growing daily. I have a huge Twitter following, and a professional website.         

            PARAGRAPH FIVE: Thank you for considering this query. (OR Thank you for considering this query and the first five pages below. OR whatever the agent website specifically asks for.)

             My email is: 

              Phone:

              This is a simultaneous submission. (If it is)

          I look forward to hearing from you.

            Yours truly,

            Hopeful Writer

Never email later asking if the agent will respond. Some agents have an automatic response emails that let you know the agency received your query. Most don’t. That’s too bad, but there’s nothing to be done. If you don’t hear back within a reasonable amount of time 3-8 weeks, move on.

There are a few agencies out there that ask for exclusive submission. If you go after one of those, be honest and wait out the exclusive submission, don’t send the query out to other agents.

Lots here, I know. Hit me with any questions you have regarding synopsis, pitch, and query letter. I’ll do my best to answer, and I’ll also rely on the collective wisdom of the Novel Matters writers, and readers.

Batter up! 

Writer’s Workshop: Perfect Pitch Part 1

This is part one of Bonnie Grove’s shoot from the hip writer’s workshop on selling your work. Part two will run this Wednesday, August 26.

I open with this caveat: No one writer has the market of knowledge cornered when it comes to selling fiction works to agents/editors/publishers. I certainly don’t. What follows is simply observations from my years as a writer and writing mentor. Glean what works for you, what speaks to you, what stirs you, and disregard the rest.

The one line pitch: When a writer prepares material used in a typical pitch, she often begins with the one line, or elevator pitch. That snappy sentence meant to make publishing professionals swoon, gush, and produce a contract for you to sign on the spot. This is a terrible place to start. I’ve never met a writer who, upon completing a 100,000-word manuscript, had a clue what the thing was about. My advice? Don’t start here. You will spend hours futzing with words and come up short. Worse, you’ll start thinking you can’t do this, shove the manuscript in a draw only to be remembered fleetingly throughout the year always with a strong pinch to the heart. Who needs regrets like that? Not you. Don’t start with the one line pitch (we will return to the ins and outs of the elevator pitch in part 2.)

The One Sheet (CBA fiction writers): If you’re writing for the CBA (Christian Booksellers Association) market, there’s a chance you’ll use this marketing tool as part of a pitch to agents/editors. The ABA (American Booksellers Association) does not use them. A one sheet isn’t what most writers think it is: a slick, attractive sheet highlighting your story. It does contain those elements, but that’s not the primary purpose or use for a one sheet. If you’re tempted to begin your proposal writing with the one sheet, I say—again—don’t start here. You’ll miss the purpose of this tool if you try to begin here.

The synopsis: Finally, the place to begin your proposal writing. If you haven’t already constructed a chapter outline (something you could do as you write, revising the outline as you revise the manuscript), you’ll be starting from scratch, pulling together the main plot points and relaying them with dazzling clarity and punch. Easy right?

Over the years I’ve noticed a pattern of errors writers make when attempting to condense their novel down to two pages. (Oh, if you’ve wondering how long a synopsis should be: rule of thumb says two-three pages, never exceeding five. I say, except in rare cases, two pages is plenty long. I’ll explain why in a minute.)

The first error is that the synopsis does not contain the plot of the book. This is a large error, as you can imagine, and I bet it’s one you’ve made, too. Instead of plot, the writer waxes long on themes, adding editorial comments along the way, which serve to muddy the waters, drowning any chance of sparking interest or excitement in the project. 

Let’s break this down.

Themes: We love reading novels with rich, complex themes that linger long after we’ve finished the book. We work hard to ensure our novel incorporates, expounds, and defines important themes that bring the story to life, give it legs. When we attempt to condense our novel into two pages, we feel we’re shortchanging our work convening nothing but the plot. The plot, after all, is simply This happened, then this happened, then that happened, then this happened. How dull.

It’s not dull. It’s killer important that you convey the plot in detail in your synopsis. When an agent or editor reads they synopsis, they are looking for the plot. Why make them slog through theme to get the to the stuff they want to see?

Does that mean we save theme solely for the manuscript? Not at all. You impart theme in a synopsis the same way you do it in the manuscript, through careful word choice, stringing together nouns and verbs that, while spelling out the plot, infuse depth of meaning, feeling, setting, and themes to the synopsis.

An exercise: You can do this no matter where you are with the actual writing of you manuscript.

Use bullet points to write out the plot points in your story.

e.g.:      Mary finds a pickle on the street.
            Mary tries to eat the pickle, but the pickle speaks to Mary, begging for its life. It promises to grant Mary three wishes
            Mary takes the pickle home and hides it.  
            Mary goes out on a date with her boyfriend Harry and breaks up with him.
            Mary comes home from work one day to find all the furniture in her apartment has been rearranged.
            Mary is certain someone is watching her.
            Mary comes home and all her kitchen utensils are in the fridge.
            Mary confides in a friend, and they decide not to call the police.
            Mary makes her fist wish, and the pickle grants it: a handsome new boyfriend.
            Mary is followed home from work, but she doesn’t see who it is.
            Mary’s apartment is ransacked. Nothing is stolen, until Mary checks the hiding place and finds the pickle missing.

Not exactly riveting reading-yet—but it is clear.  There’s a good chance you’ll need to rearrange the plot points from the way they appear in the novel in order to present a straight plotline. Often, in the writing of the novel, we play with plot points, hiding and revealing as needed. Go ahead and rearrange the plot points in the synopsis so that one action follows another.

Also, notice that above we have a novel about Mary and a magic pickle. Except the manuscript has a great sub-plot about Mary’s friend, Anna, and her dealings with an enchanted piece of toast. And what about all the nuance between the ex-boyfriend and the new, handsome boy friend? Oh, and there’s all this great stuff between the pickle and Mary’s dog, Bones. None of it goes into the synopsis. Only include the plot points from the MAIN story.

The next issue is editorializing. This is massively common because it’s so natural when trying to condense the story down. We include phrases such as: She was terrified. Everyone hated Billy. She felt desperate and alone.

Editorializing is anything that attempts to explain why a character acts the way he/she does in a scene, explains a character type (mean, angry, silly, careless), or otherwise injects the author’s point of view or intention into the plot outline.

It takes a great deal of control to write a simple plot outline that allows the plot to stand on its own without embellishments of theme and editorializing.

Know what else it does? Reveals holes in the plot, highlights spongy sections in the story that sag and bore readers, and lets you, the writer, take a clear-eyed look at the bare truth about the story you’ve written.

A good synopsis will very often lead to going back and editing the manuscript.

So, you have your plot points, you’ve edited the manuscript to fix holes and fill in bogs in the story. Next, you pull out your largest toolbox, your vocabulary, and begin building in theme, setting, and even the occasional editorial comment through word choice. Let’s revisit out plot outline above, infused, but still clear:

            Mary blusters out of the fifty-story office building where she works, and onto the crowded Chicago streets. She muscles her way to the bus stop to catch the 517 that get her home by 6:23. Something green and white catches her eye, and she kicks at it with the toe of her sensible shoe, while she ponders the date she has tonight with Harry, her boyfriend of six years.

Words like “blusters”, “muscles”, and the specificity of the bus number and the time she will arrive home all paint a fuller picture of the setting, Mary’s character, and set up some of the themes explored in the novel. This continues, solidifying our suspicions with words such as, “sensible shoes,” and “boyfriend of six years.” The picture is coming together quickly without bogging down the rapid-fire delivery of the plot. 

Try this exercise on your story. We’d love to hear the results!

Part two, on Wednesday, will look at the one line pitch, the one sheet (briefly), and the query letter.

Write on!

The X-Files

Wednesday’s post on the “Almost Dead Files” is a stellar example of Latayne’s natural talent and genius.  I think we all agree it would be a crying shame if she never completed the manuscript.  Maybe one day she will be able to fit it into her hectic life.

Out of curiosity, I plugged in my old flash drive and pulled up my first novel with every intention of posting a paragraph or two.  How bad could it be?  After all, it was taken to committee by the first editor who read it.  (Bless her heart)

The story couldn’t have been farther removed from what I now write.  The 50,000 word manuscript was a Gold Rush romance set in early California with a newly widowed heroine who is alone in the world and thrown into dependence on the one she blamed for her husband’s death. I researched at night and wrote scenes during afternoon nap time at my home day care.  The story poured easily from some deeply creative space, so again, how bad could it be?

Um…there are no words for how bad it is, so I won’t subject you to it.  But I will perform an autopsy. Here are some of the classic mistakes I made on my first draft:

Opened too far from the action

Flashback in the first chapter

Predictable premise

Heroine too snarky

Didn’t check the guidelines from the targeted publisher

Didn’t target a publisher

Wrong POV

Superfluous/duplicate characters

Passive word choices (yawn)

Too much description

Overuse of hyphens

Stilted dialogue

Rambling elevator pitch

Here are some things I did right (on the rewrite):

Extensive research, invested in books on life during the Gold Rush

Chopped the first three chapters

Used flashbacks sparingly and farther from the opening

Wrote more natural dialogue

Improved the heroine’s likeability

Researched publishers and modified scenes to meet their guidelines

Changed the POV to first person

Included the hero’s POV

Limited the number of sentences that began with “I”

Cut duplicate, unnecessary characters (or combined them)

Cut description that did not serve a purpose

Added a few twists to the plot

Improved the elevator pitch and practiced it

I deleted more than I added to the final draft. Cut, chopped, changed, limited are words that mean business. I remember that I had to step back from it for awhile before the knife was steady in my hand.  A lot of work had gone into all those words, but I knew the story was better off without them.

 What is the most important thing you learned from writing your first draft of your first manuscript? We'd love to hear!