We Need to Talk About Your Adjectives

Adverbs. We’ve made a big deal about them in recent years. Readers, it has been declared, hate them (fine, though I strongly suspect most don’t care that much if they enjoy the story), They weaken prose, so off with their heads.

I could argue that well-chosen adverbs make for punchy prose packed with panache (just ask Arthur Plotnik), but the general point is well made. Killing off the “ly” words does tidy up the place. And writers have complied. We’ve had our ah-ha moments and killed off swaths of  “ly” words.

Before we take too deep a bow for our writerly stroke of genius, I draw your attention to the forgotten noun. Or, more accurately, the flabby adjective your nouns are resting on like sleeping old men atop waterbeds.

Nouns matter.

Last week Latyane pointed us to some neuroscience experiments that have recorded physical effects on the brain from reading fiction. This makes sense because most complex tasks inflict physical changes in the brain and reading fiction—words that are complex symbols that represent symbols of real things—is nothing if not complex.

I’ve pounded the noun drum before and I’m tattooing again in the context of thelingering shadows in a reader’s brain. When we read, we accomplish an astonishing array of tasks all without moving a muscle. Our brain scans words on a page, interprets the symbols correctly, and builds a complex system that, if it were extracted from a reader’s brain, would resemble a close proximity to real life with all its subtlety, brutality, and interact relationships. Reading is an act of stunning creativity. And what aids

readers in their creative act is nouns they can build on.

Recently I read a new writer’s attempt to create a scene. There were the usual newbie mistakes, including a floating POV, overly descriptive prose, and telling rather than showing. Still, it was the writer’s use of adjectives that stood out to me. In two sentences the writer used nine adjectives.

Nine.

I panicked a little. Went to my work-in-progress and scanned the manuscript looking for adjectives. I found a sample roughly the same length as the one with all the adjectives. Because I suspected I was a more experienced writer, I decided to count the adjectives in four sentences, rather than two.

One.

The adjective? Bowline.

Maybe I was just lucky. I chose another passage, another four sentences.

Zero.

Then I hunted up some favorite novels, the kinds that have stayed with me and played out in my memory for years.

I’m certain you can guess the outcome.

Nouns are the objects in which our brains build the worlds suggested to us in novels. Shadow-makers. The stronger the noun, the more certain the building blocks.

Adjectives are helpful when clarity is needed.

“His left arm.”

“She rolled into a protective ball.”

Precision is the goal for all writing—better to use a precise noun than to try to prop it up with an adjective.

So, where is the fun in adjectives? Modern writing is full of them (thank heavens!), and it’s important that we don’t leave this article thinking the point is to kill all the adjectives and leave it at that.

Kill the flabby ones and replace the noun it was propping up. Then, have some fun with adjectives, using them freely and creatively in ways that help readers build worlds in their imaginations.

Here is an example from my current work-in-progress, Trillium, with the adjectives highlighted:

I was drowning. Being eaten alive by a shallow creek. Dying beside a cow, of all things. No one believes they would die beside a cow. Every breath found only liquid. I thrashed, kicking my legs while trying to free my right arm from the elbow-deep mud, which meant pushing down with my left arm, sinking it deeper into the muck.

There was a splash. Loud. Nearby. Not made by me. I was kicking in mud, and this was the sound of water. My name. Drawn out like a yodel, Fiiiioooooooooooona. Splash. Twice more. My yodel name, then splash. “Grab the rope!”

Rope. Cory. Help.

Hit your manuscripts and go adjective hunting. If you want, come back and tell us how it went. How many frivolous ones did you kill? What about the creative uses? Can you think of a novel you read that dragged you down in adjectives? Share your thoughts, examples, grousings, and chocolate cookies in the comment section. 

Writing Books We Have Loved - A Roundtable Discussion

Excuse me. Hello? I'm sorry for elbowing my way in here. I have a copy of Bird by Bird for Heidi, but I still need your address. Please click on "contacts" to send your snail mail address, and I'll mail the book right out. We start our discussion next Monday. You may now proceed.



Last week Patti gave Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird" away to five lucky readers, and I'm delighted for each of them. I too read the book several years before I published my first novel, and yes, it comforted and encouraged me, yes, I clutched it to my heart, and no, I won't loan it to you. Bless Anne. Bless Patti.

After I read her

post, I went to my bookshelf to find other books I won't loan to you, writing books that stirred me up to be not only a writer, but a certain, stubbornly individual kind of writer.

As I scanned the books, I caught sight of the smallest one, nestled in like a first beloved toy crowded to the back of the shelf.

The book was "Zen and the Art of Writing," by Ray Bradbury. It's not the small paperback you can buy at the store - and I suggest you do. It's the Chapra Chapbook Series edition published in 1973 that my professor made me buy in my freshman year of college. It consists of the title essay plus one more, The Joy of Writing. The price on the back reads, $2.50. I notice now, you can buy one on eBay for $25.00. I'm not selling.

Here's a sample, to remind you that good writing is not about money or reputation. It's about juici

ng out what you and you alone can give the reader:

"Notoriety and a fat bank balance must come after everything else is finished and done. That means that they cannot even be considered while you are at the typewriter. The man who considers them, lies one of two ways, to please a tiny audience that can only beat an idea insensible and then to death, or a large audience that wouldn't know an idea if it came up and bit them."

Yet another writing book to add to my list. Thanks, Katy!

I own an embarrassing number of writing books, but I only return to a few. One is by one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Berg--Escaping Into the Open: The Art of Writing True. I enjoy Ms. Berg's writing, because her narrators are so stinking honest. Laughingly so. Gut-wrenchingly so. And that's the kind of writer I want to be, honest. That honest is born of passion and courage.

She says it like this:

Passion is everywhere: in love, in religion and politics, in cooking and gardening, in learning, in art, in d

evotion to one's family, in solitude and the search for self. But if I had to come up with one word to describe what writing passionately is all about, the work would be "risk." Because that's what emotionally intense communication requires: You must be willing (and courageous enough) to show others the most private parts of yourself, holding back nothing. But first you must be willing to show those parts to yourself, to acknowledge in a conscious way their presence in you.

Confession time: Most writing books make me nervous. They spend a lot of time on helping new writers find ideas and that's not my problem: Ideas stalk me and mug me in the middle of other things I should be doing.

For me, a writing book has to be practical. Nuts and bolts. And the book that helped me the most in that regard is an actual workbook with tear-out pages where I learned, by filling in those pages, how to pace the action of those ideas.

The book is Evan Marshall's The Marshall Plan Workbook: Writing Your Novel from Start to Finish. I'm sorry to say it is out of print but even the copies you can get second-hand (be sure and get a new one-- you need those pages!) makes it worth the money. Here's my favorite quote from Marshall:

". . .In general, the key is to keep characters' emotions at the forefront; write about issues, whether large or small, that people care about; tell your story in an interesting manner; pay attention to your story's pacing; and wind up your novel on a satisfying note. You will be writing the kind of novel you most like to read, but you will also be writing to please your readers."

And the workbook showed me how to do that.

I have 5 writing books that, like Katy, I wouldn't loan out. They're the ones I go to time and again and never fail to find what I need. But since our assignment is to choose one and only one, I went with the book that has a boatload of multi-colored tabs stuck to page after page. That book is Write Away by Elizabeth George. The jacket boasts that "bestselling author Elizabeth George offers would-be writers exactly what they need to know about how to construct a novel." And the book certainly delivers. As a bonus, each chapter begins with an entry by Ms. George from Journal of a Novel. The entry that begins the chapter titled "The Value of Bum Glue" reads:

~

"This is the moment when faith is called for. Faith in the creative spirit within me, which is part of what I've been given by God; faith in the process; faith in my intelligence and my imagination. If I've managed to imagine these characters and this situation into being, doesn't it follow that I should also be able to imagine my way through to the end of the book? It seems so. Thus . . . I suit up and show up. I sit down at the computer and I do the work, moving it forward a sentence at a time, which is ultimately the only way there is to write a book."

I'm torn between two lovers (feeling like a fool. . . loving both of you is breaking all the rules) - at least when it comes to waxing eloquent about writing books. I've read several (skimmed most), but only two have rocked my writing world. When I started writing I lacked no hutzpah. But I didn't know how to wield it. Enter Arthur Plotnik's risque Spunk & Bite: A writer's guide to punchier, more engaging language and style. This is the modern response to Strunk and White's Elements of Style. Art gives practical, gutsy advice and examples of how to write out in style - the kind that gets noticed, even published. Here's a sample from his introduction: "With so many gifted authors already sniffing their way to publication, with so man diversions grabbing mass attention, no writer can afford a writing-as-usual attitude. Language or style that is less engaging, less stimulating than the competition is, frankly, dead on arrival. Whether you strive as a journalist, novelist, poet, copywriter, corporate communicator, student -- or even as a yearning presence on Match.com -- something distinctive, some umami-like deliciousness has to emanate from your words or off they go to oblivion."

After that pep talk, Art's book emboldens the writer to unthink, bend some rules, and embrace her inner hutzpah. (A side note: since I read his book several years ago, he and I have struck up a writing friendship of sorts. He even quotes me twice in his upcoming book. Yep. Little ol' me!)

My second book o' choice is the meaty goodness of John Truby's The Anatomy of Story. I applied myself to this book as I have to university courses. It was painful, but worth every jabbing chest pain. It's not a book to encourage yourself with, it's a textbook and includes the looming impression that there will be an exam at the end. And, of course, there is. It's called your novel.

John states the mission of the book in three succinct points (but don't let that fool you).

• "Show that a great story is organic -- not a machine but a living body that develops.

• Treat storytelling as an exacting craft with precise techniques that will help you be successful, regardless of the medium or genre you choose.
  
  
• Work through a writing process that is also organic, meaning that we will develop characters and plot that grow naturally our of your original story idea."

Both these books have moved me as a writer. They made me plop at the authors' feet and say, "Guru me , baby!"

Well, Katy stole my thunder. My all-time favorite how-to book is Ray Bradbury's "Zen" so I chose a little blue book by Les Edgerton titled Hooked. In particular, his chapter on story-worthy problems vs. surface problems gets to the heart of what hooks a reader:

A story-worthy problem always relates more to the psychology of the protagonist and has to be big enough, dramatic enough, to change the protagonist's world and force him on a journey of change. Surface problems, on the other hand, are more like bad situations that reflect the actual story-worthy problem.

What transforms a story is the inner psychological problem of the protagonist being laid bare on the page.

The best sources for significant story problems reside within yourself in the form of your personal demons.

Seriously good stuff. The book is easy to read with loads of examples and ends with insights, titled, "Agents and Editors Speak Out on Beginnings." Now, get thee to the bookstore.

Some Thoughts on Stage Business Accompanying Dialogue by Arthur Plotnik

If you don't know Arthur Plotnik, you need to. If you do, you should invite him 'round for tea more often. He's someone who will never weary you - his e-mails alone are worthy of publishing. I should know, I've gotten a few.

When I began writing (I mean taking a full run at it) I found a book called Spunk and Bite: A Writer's Guide to Bold, Contemporary Style and thought, What luck! I want to write bold, contemporary, stylish stuff. Then I realized it was a STYLE book, something like good ol' Strunk and White's Elements of Style and thought, oh poop, not that stodgy stuff.

Happily, Plotnik is doing something very different with the rules- hes having a ball with them. An educated, eloquent, literary ball. I read Spunk and Bite cover to cover (let's face it, not something I do with every book on writing) and have been suggesting it to every new writer I meet.

He's here to give us insight into the art of staging.

Meet the man:

Arthur Plotnik is a versatile author with a distinguished background in editing and publishing. Two of his works have been featured selections of the Book of the Month Club: The Elements of Editing (Macmillan/Longman), a standard reference through more than twenty printings, and The Elements of Expression: Putting Thoughts into Words (Henry Holt / toExcel/ Barnes & Noble). Reviewers have consistently praised Plotnik's writing for its accuracy, style, and wit, often ranking it with Strunk & White in practicality.

His latest book, Spunk & Bite: A Writer's Guide to Punchier, More Engaging Language & Style, was published November 15, 2005, by Random House Reference. Poet Billy Collins called it "A must for every writer's desk." Lauded by Booklist, Library Journal, and many others, it is among the bestselling new titleson language and writing. A trade paperback edition (with new study guide) was published in May 2007 with the subtitle, A Writer's Guide to Bold, Contemporary Style.

Plotnik has written scores of magazine articles and columns, seven nonfiction books, and numerous (pseudonymous) paperback novels. He has appeared in publications ranging from La Prensa (Bolivia) to The New York Times. Long a columnist for The Writer magazine, he serves on its Editorial Board. He previously contributed to Britannica Book of English Usage and the "American English" column of American Way in-flight magazine.

Some thoughts on stage business accompanying dialogue by Arthur Plotnik, author of Spunk and Bite: A Writer's Guide to Bold, Contemporary Style (Random House)

In dialogue, there are spoken words—and then there's all that other good stuff:

"I'm Holly," she said. Because she wanted no trace of an accent in her heaven, she had none.

I stared at her black hair. It was shiny like the promises in magazines. "How long have you been here," I asked.

"Three days."

"Me too."

I sat down on the swing next to her and twisted my body around and around to tie up the chains. Then I let go and spun until I stopped. "Do you like it here?" she asked. (From The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.)

Every storyteller invents stage business—the actions, gestures, and thoughts that surround dialogue and sometimes leak into the dialogue itself. Stage business–or "shtik" as I call it—gives dimensions of space, time, and texture to the linear output of talking heads. But most writers pay little attention to it as part of their craft, instead focusing on what the characters are saying and what happens to them.

Sometimes—rarely—powerful dialogue and plot can carry the show, with stage business merely a by-product. But imagine a theater director foregoing stage directions, allowing her actors to stand motionless and speak their lines like frozen manikins. Some might call it avant garde. To me it would be one step up from watching wallpaper fade.

Not to exploit the possibilities of stage business is to forfeit a powerful tool in both fiction and non-fiction. Not only does shtick give dimension, but it serves to break up what would be the monotony of long exchanges; it can advance the plot, reveal character, offer bits of information, and, of course, nuance what is being said.

"I love you," he told her.
She checked her cell phone. No messages. "Love you, too."

Stage business comes in a variety of parcels, and good writers tend to use a mix of them. Here are the main ones:

Speech tag: (Same sentence as the spoken words.) "Stop," he said, going into a show of coughing. "You’ll set off the smoke alarm."

Action tag: (In a separate sentence.) "Stop," he said. He went into a show of coughing.

Absolute phrase: (A modifying phrase with its own subject and participle.)"Stop," he said, the incense making him cough.

Thought tag: "This will relax you," she said, knowing he would start coughing as soon as she lit the incense.

Stage direction: They went through their usual ritual. She, lighting incense: "This will relax you." He, making a show of coughing: "Stop, or . . . "

Paint the picture

One of the reasons to add shtick to dialogue, of course, is to offer a picture of what's going on while people are conversing. But be sure the dialogue doesn't already give a clear picture of expression, gesture, and even action. You don't want to be redundant.

"I'm just lighting some incense—stop looking so annoyed."
"Who's annoyed? I'm simply moving the burner out to the porch. Look, I'm already kaff-kaff–coughing."

To preserve the force of good dialogue, stage directions must be used judiciously. Context and spoken words already tell the reader a great deal. Adding too much shtick can get melodramatic, look amateurish. Even bestselling authors sometimes overdo it:

"I think I'm falling in love with you, Maggie. I want you to be aware of that."
Maggie raised her eyes. They brimmed with tears. "I'm aware."
"And?" It was a tortured question.
Maggie shook her head. "Not now. I need time. Please understand."
"I have all the time in the world. I can wait. And I will."
"No one ever said that to me before." Maggie's smile was as golden as the last rays of the sun.
(From Texas Heat, by Fern Michaels)

As you might infer, you'll want to avoid stage business cliches, such as "her eyes twinkled." Common gestures such as "he sipped his coffee" or "she shrugged," however, are fine if not repeated too often. When most people smoked tobacco, the business of lighting, puffing, and discarding cigarettes provided a treasury of shtick. We've lost that prop and good riddance. But dining is still so rich in stage business ("she delved into her melon," writes John Fowles) that some authors make the meal more interesting than the dialogue.
The language of nonverbal expression constitutes a whole lexicon. The more of it you study, the more you’ll accompany the right word with the right gesture. Sources like How to Read a Person Like a Book (Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry H. Calero) can be helpful. A good Web site is The Nonverbal Dictionary of Gestures, Signs, and Body Language Clues.”
For all that, you don't want to create shtick that gets in the way of dialogue--its drama, flow, and momentum. Stage business should be efficient and, in most cases, move in and out of the dialogue seamlessly.

Three suggested exercises:

1. Look for telling gestures, expressions, and postures when you watch people speaking. Note down the ones that pack information or that might seem fresh in writing. Don't forget that types of silence (e.g., prayer) or resistance to gesture can be just as powerful as action.
2 Share your observations or thoughts on stage business with this blog. Offer (for comment) some brief samples from your own writing.
3. Whatever fiction or creative nonfiction you happen to be reading, start paying attention to the stage business; note when it's done especially well or poorly. Soon you'll be a master of evaluating your own shtick.

(Copyright 2008, Arthur Plotnik)

From Scene to Shining Scene

Happy Memorial Day, especially to those who have served our great nation in the military to protect our liberty. God bless you all.

~

Scenes are the building blocks of fiction. No matter the tense or point of view, nothing puts a reader into the story like a good scene. Sandra Scofield, in The Scene Book: A Primer for the Fiction Writer says, "The scene is the most vivid and immediate part of the story." She's right, of course. Scenes are what draw the reader into the circle of activity, connecting him or her to the characters and plot of a novel in a way the finest narrative can't do. Each has a purpose, and the purpose of a scene is to grab the reader by her pearls and pull her into the action.

~

A scene may contain description, dialogue and/or internal thought in any combination, but what it must have is action. Scofield writes, "All too often, the apprentice fiction writer gets caught up in the thoughts of characters and forgets to make something happen in a scene. The writer forgets that actions cause reactions." Avoid talking heads in your fiction. Flesh out your characters, show us what they're doing while they're delivering their lines. But don't give them something to do just for the sake of activity. Give us action beats to go with the dialogue, but make those beats count for something. Make every line and every action important to the story. Don't waste an opportunity to show us what the character is thinking, feeling, wanting, by the things she does in any given conversation or span of silence. Make her actions speak louder than her words. Contradict them, even. For example, consider:

~

"I'm going out," she said to Martin. "I won't be long." She ran her finger over her grocery list to make sure she'd not forgotten anything.

~

"I'm going out," she said to Martin. "I won't be long." She twisted her wedding band round and round her finger, then tugged it off and slipped it in her pocket.

The characters and dialogue are exactly the same, but the actions tell two entirely different stories.

~

Think of scenes as vignettes in your story. To be effective, your vignette needs a beginning, middle and end. It should be self-contained, or it leaves the observer hanging, confused. That's not to say that each scene you write needs to answer every immediate question. On the contrary, delayed information is what keeps the reader turning the page, no matter the genre. TMI certainly applies here. Give it in doses, when absolutely necessary, to keep taut the line between you and your reader. That's what tension in fiction is all about. And tension "is caused when a question is raised and the reader's sense of anticipation is heightened." Again, this is from Sandra Scofield's primer, which I've added to our Resources page, and highly recommend, no matter how long you've been writing.

~

Scenes are where you, as writer or reader, find yourself present in the telling of a story. You connect with one character or another and suddenly you have a stake in the game. What happens to these people matters now. Here's one of my favorite scenes from Katy Popa's To Dance in the Desert:

"What you need are lighter clothes," said Una, fingering the long polyester sleeve of Sophie's blouse.

~

It was one of two blouses she'd worn on alternate days since she'd first shown up at the Studmuffin. She'd pushed her sleeves up, but they were just too tight to push far.

~

"I didn't bring many clothes with me," she said.

~

"Well, come on then." Una stood. "Let's go see what I've got that'll fit you."

~

Sophie held back. Her eyes scanned Una's outfit, and Dara resisted a chuckle.

~

"Some of my clothes are quite ordinary," said Una. "Aren't they, Amy?"

~

"Just the ones you don't wear, Gram."

~

"Well, there you go, then."

~

Amy's place had the haphazard charm of a home furnished with yard-sale finds, but Una's piece of it left nothing to chance. The bed was covered in moss velvet to match the draperies. The headboard, dresser, and tables were all carved mahogany with flashes of gold touched to the rosebuds. She had an actual dressing table skirted in the same gold chiffon that filtered light between the drapes.

~

And by her bed was a crystal vase with a single white silk lily.

~

Una opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a sleeveless shell, soft blue. "This should do the trick," she said. "It's really too big in the top for me. I used to be bigger, but ..." She waved her hands around her two cleavages. "One too many trips to the knocker press!"

~

"It's what she calls a mammogram." Amy smiled.

~

Sophie chuckled, just a little.

~

"It's a better name," said Ivy, settling into the green brocade reading chair.

~

Una shook her head. "Take a warning from me, girls. You can't put these things through the pasta press and expect them to bounce back every time. One day they just give out, and what have you got but cooked lasagna to stuff in your brassiere?"

~

Jane sat on the bed. "I once heard of a woman who yanked herself out of the wicked contraption too quickly, and they curled up just like gift ribbon."

~

"Well, that would keep them off your knees, at least," said Una.

~

Sweet little Amy grinned like she'd hoped exactly this would happen.

~

Sophie had started laughing--holding her hand up, still hiding her teeth, but she was audibly laughing.

~

Dara caught her eye, and the two burst out in a mutual snort. Then Jane and Una snorted, and Ivy and Amy, and they had themselves a pig party right there in Una's boudoir.

There's more, but even this part of the scene is self-contained, not a word or action wasted, right down to Katy's choice of boudoir for Una's bedroom. That alone tells us something about the character. Can't you picture yourself there with these women, jumping into the conversation?

~

Here's an exercise for you. Observe someone whose path you cross today in your activities. It may be someone you notice behind the wheel at a stop light, someone hurrying into an office building, or peering into a mailbox. Create a complete scene, with beginning, middle and end, using one set of action beats. Then change the initial action beat and rewrite the scene. See what a difference it makes.

~

On Wednesday we're pleased to present some observations about staging the scene by Arthur Plotnik, renowned author of Spunk & Bite: An Author's Guide to Bold, Contemporary Style. You won't want to miss this.

Writing and the Rock Star Life.

Can ya hear the crowds chanting your name? Can ya just hear the roar of approval when you step onto the stage before an audience numbering in the tens of thousands - all wearing t-shirts with your picture on them - adjust your microphone and. . . read aloud.

Chances are, no matter how popular an author is, a mosh pit has never opened up at one of his readings. Few teenaged girls have passed out while a poet laureate signs 8x10 glossies. Scalpers rarely appear outside of libraries.

Yet writers, like rock stars, crave feedback. Even the most secure author can, on occasion be caught cruising Amazon, checking her ranking. And it's not an act of pure ego - most often it is in search of an answer to the question, "Has my work touched another life? Does this art in my soul resonate with another soul out there?"

I don't know what writers did before the Internet and all its instant goodness. Want to know how well your book is selling? Just pull up a book selling site and check your ranking. Want to connect with someone who is reading your book right now? Jump on Twitter, or Facebook, or Shelfari, or any number of sites where readers gather to talk books. And let's not forget blogging - my personal favorite. What I love about blogs is the ability to have a long, ongoing discussion between several readers and writers over periods of time.

The Internet is a great tool for marketing books, but I've found, just as Debbie discovered, that the true beauty of being online is how easily you can connect with someone you love to read. I read a wonderful book on writing called Spunk & Bite: A writers guide to punchier, more engaging language & style by Arthur Plotnik. I loved it (it's the only book on writing I've read all the way through and the only one I recommend on a regular basis). So, I blogged about it. The next day Arthur Plotnik commented on my blog. I 'bout fell over. Then he came back and commented again. I e-mailed him and asked if he would consider appearing on my blog as a guest. He accepted (and wrote a brilliant piece on staging you will enjoy reading), and we have e-mailed back and forth now and again, ever since.

What have I learned about being an author online? I've learned that famous people tend to be regular folks who love to connect with people. I've learned that the best thing for me to do when I'm online is to be professional (I often compare going online to stepping on a stage - people are watching). And, I've been blessed to learn that there are people who are as eager to connect with me as I am to connect with them - and that is a huge blessing.

Are you living the rock star life online? We'd love to hear about it!