We're riddled with angst this week - feeling the chill in our bones, wondering if we've got the goods.
This is apt for someone like me - my first book is coming out in 87 days (uh, no, I'm not counting....it's an...um...educated guess. Ahem.), and I am in the throes of writing a second book (coming June 2010 - but again, I'm not counting. Ahem), and I'm looking for the magic. Hoping, when I peer into my bag of literary goodies, I will find it - that truth, that shine, that brilliance. Wondering if it was ever in there in the first place.
But the task is to write, and so write I do. Clacking away, muttering to self and computer, wondering - always wondering - if any of this is of any merit.
I'm comforted by the fact that this deep down doubt is universal in the world of art and artists. Let me introduce you to someone who has poured out this artist's angst in a way I simply adore. Tanya Davis is a Canadian, from Newfoundland (which accounts for her accent - she has a true "Newfie" accent I love [no, I don't sound like that when I speak - I sound exactly like Queen Elizabeth]). Her wonderful accent is the reason I posted the words to the song below. She is a poet, singer, songwriter, and more. I included her website at the bottom of this post in case you want to find out more about this wonderful artist.
I love how she expresses the questions all artists feel, deep in their bones.
I wondered what would be the worth of my words in the world
if i write them and then recite them are they worth being heard
just because i like them does that mean i should mic them
and see what might unfurl
i think of the significance of my opinions here
is it significant to be giving them does anybody care
just because i'm into this does that mean i should live like it
and really do i dare
art, art i want you
art you make it pretty hard not to
and my heart is trying hard here to follow you
but i can't always tell if i ought to
so i pondered the point of my art in this life
if i make it will someone take it and think it's genuine
will they be glad that i did 'cause they got something good out of it
will they leave me and be any more inspired
i question the outcome of the outpouring of myself
if i tell everyone my stories will this keep me healthy and well
will it give me purpose, to this world some sort of service
is it worth it, how can i tell
Here are my thoughts about self-doubt: better not to dwell on it. Better to write, and keep writing for purposes that are bigger than me, for reasons I don't need to understand.